Happy Birthday Reason!

You will always be my Spring. I miss you. When the first blooms burst with joy, and I feel the cool breezes and gentle, warm sun on my face, I smile and feel you and all you gave me.

Not enough

Emmy Lou Harris wrote this song, Not Enough, after the loss of her dog Bonaparte. "When you love someone, life's not long enough."

I miss you Reason.

Three years ago today to the hour, Reason and I said goodbye. Her last two weeks were very hard for both of us. Neither of us wanted her to go.



I read some lines a while back in The Art of Racing in the Rain. A few paragraphs have been all I can bring myself to read so far, but it lies by my bedside ready for me when I am ready. The novel is written from the dog's point of view. Enzo was his name, and Denny was his human. Denny cared for Enzo as he became too old to care for himself. Denny gave Enzo permission to leave when he could see it was his time.

Enzo was thinking, "My life seems like it has been so long and so short at the same time. People ask of a will to live. They rarely speak of a will to die. Because people of afraid of death. Death is dark and unknown and frightening. But not for me. It is not the end."

My Dog Joy Reason

Check out my own personalized cover of the book Dog Joy!! That's Reason on the cover. (She is also on page 172.) You can upload a photo of your dog to a personalized cover as well. I have to say, little Rea looks at least as good as the real cover dog. =o) You can find the book at any book store. If you'd like to upload your own cover, visit The Bark. Nope, I don't receive any royalties. I just know how much we love our dogs and for all the ways we look to hold special memories in our hearts forever. I know I'm not the only one.

Happy Birthday Reason!

Gone

I have a very calm awareness today of Reason's absence from my life, a sweet sadness. Almost as if it's taken me this full two years to let my breath out. I'd been holding my breath since that last two weeks, since those last few minutes, perhaps even since I first learned of her lymphoma diagnosis, and I guess if I'm honest, even back to that first day, when she was riding home with me to be mine. I remember the moment when it dawned on me, that one day she would be gone.

Last night, I looked at Meister cat sitting on my bed, and it felt so odd for him to be here without Reason. She helped me take care of Meister and Mitzi. Reason helped me with everything. There Meister sat, and Reason gone so long. The same home, the same job, the same me, but no Reason. Life is a little different. There are two wonderful dogs, Jules and Luna. But even that isn't so different because Reason and I always rescued dogs. She so often endured nipping at her heels by strange new dogs waiting with us for their new forever homes. It wasn't until she was older that I decided to take a break from rescue, so that her senior years were a bit less stressful.

Everything was me and Reason. I cherished our moments. I cherished her affect on my life. She was my anchor, my focus, my balance, my comrade.

On our last visit to the Rose Garden, her sweetness was so evident. She ran up through the mud with her little waggling tail to say hello to the girl sitting in the pavilion reading. I hold onto that moment because for that moment Reason was there. Her little soul was alive. She wasn't sick. She wasn't dying. It gives me such relief to remember she had such last moments of her own happiness. Just like when we walked around Cameron Village on that last Sunday. Her tail wagged as she watched and greeted people. The very day we went to the vet for the last time I carried her in, and a male staff genuinely greeted her and rubbed her little head, and she perked up. She was happy to greet him.

Then once I layed her down on the table, she was ready to rest. Like she grabbed the very last sweetness she could out of life. Not only did Reason teach me about loving, but she started my understanding of being.