Four years

Four years gone, and I miss you every day. As I type, little Luna dog is pestering me so. She has your energy and enthusisam. Jules is laying under the desk. She clearly has your gentle sweetness. Chelsea said last time I was in WV that between the two of them, they are like you. She's the only person to realize that each of them embody a part of you. I kiss your photo on the fridge just like I told you I would. Little Mitzi is gone now, too. I miss her presence. Jules and Luna keep me good company, but I miss my best friend. You were everything to me Reason, and you are always in my heart, always my Reason. I love you.

Meister

Goodbye Meister. I love you, and I will miss you.

Little kitty

I came home today, and Meister was laying on the couch. I'd left him inside for the day. When I sat beside him, he didn't move. When I touched him, his body felt lifeless. I got up and walked way. I thought he was dead.

I caught my breath and sat back down. He responded to my touch, slowly. I called then and made an appointment for the morning.

He's outside now laying on the porch, where he wants to be, and he is near his mother Mitzi. My two little Greykins. Reason being a Boykin, made them Greykins. I am finally sad for and about Meister and the loss of his life. My sadness isn't about me, or about Reason. My sadness is about his little exuberant life soon to be gone. He meowed so boisterously this morning when he greeted me at the door. His fluffy little head waiting for a good morning head rub.

We are all creatures. We live and die. We suffer and rejoice. I, nor anyone, can change that.


(Next morning...Meister woke up today sprite and bossy. Still not eating of course, but he was so full of his little self, it was clear that today isn't the day, so I called and canceled. Day by day, we take it, as long as he isn't in any pain.)

Knowing when

I have two elderly cats that I rescued when an old boyfriend walked away and left them 15 years ago. I know they are at least 17 or 18. The younger cat Meister is failing. He isn't in kidney failure, but has elevated enzymes. He has stopped eating. He isn't in pain, and he mostly sleeps, but sometimes he paces with a wobbly gait.

This has been a week of anxious thought, worrying for how I cared about Reason. I should have helped her sooner, and that thought is keeping me determined not to let little Meister cat languish. He still purrs softly when I hold him. He enjoys his head rubs.

I read about pet hospice when it was Reason's time, and I honestly thought I could let her pass on her own and that would allow her to prepare herself. Two weeks and she was still holding on. Why would I not let go sooner? Why would I be so selfish?

Happy Birthday Reason!

You will always be my Spring. I miss you. When the first blooms burst with joy, and I feel the cool breezes and gentle, warm sun on my face, I smile and feel you and all you gave me.

Not enough

Emmy Lou Harris wrote this song, Not Enough, after the loss of her dog Bonaparte. "When you love someone, life's not long enough."