My Dog Reason

2011-02-05T17:40:00.005-05:00

Four years

2010-11-24T18:55:00.005-05:00

Four years gone, and I miss you every day. As I type, little Luna dog is pestering me so. She has your energy and enthusisam. Jules is laying under the desk. She clearly has your gentle sweetness. Chelsea said last time I was in WV that between the two of them, they are like you. She's the only person to realize that each of them embody a part of you. I kiss your photo on the fridge just like I told you I would. Little Mitzi is gone now, too. I miss her presence. Jules and Luna keep me good company, but I miss my best friend. You were everything to me Reason, and you are always in my heart, always my Reason. I love you.

Meister

2010-06-18T23:00:00.001-04:00

Goodbye Meister. I love you, and I will miss you.

Little kitty

2010-06-14T20:05:00.007-04:00

I came home today, and Meister was laying on the couch. I'd left him inside for the day. When I sat beside him, he didn't move. When I touched him, his body felt lifeless. I got up and walked way. I thought he was dead.

I caught my breath and sat back down. He responded to my touch, slowly. I called then and made an appointment for the morning.

He's outside now laying on the porch, where he wants to be, and he is near his mother Mitzi. My two little Greykins. Reason being a Boykin, made them Greykins. I am finally sad for and about Meister and the loss of his life. My sadness isn't about me, or about Reason. My sadness is about his little exuberant life soon to be gone. He meowed so boisterously this morning when he greeted me at the door. His fluffy little head waiting for a good morning head rub.

We are all creatures. We live and die. We suffer and rejoice. I, nor anyone, can change that.

(Next morning...Meister woke up today sprite and bossy. Still not eating of course, but he was so full of his little self, it was clear that today isn't the day, so I called and canceled. Day by day, we take it, as long as he isn't in any pain.)

Knowing when

2010-06-13T19:57:00.003-04:00

I have two elderly cats that I rescued when an old boyfriend walked away and left them 15 years ago. I know they are at least 17 or 18. The younger cat Meister is failing. He isn't in kidney failure, but has elevated enzymes. He has stopped eating. He isn't in pain, and he mostly sleeps, but sometimes he paces with a wobbly gait.

This has been a week of anxious thought, worrying for how I cared about Reason. I should have helped her sooner, and that thought is keeping me determined not to let little Meister cat languish. He still purrs softly when I hold him. He enjoys his head rubs.

I read about pet hospice when it was Reason's time, and I honestly thought I could let her pass on her own and that would allow her to prepare herself. Two weeks and she was still holding on. Why would I not let go sooner? Why would I be so selfish?

Happy Birthday Reason!

2010-03-20T23:08:00.003-04:00

You will always be my Spring. I miss you. When the first blooms burst with joy, and I feel the cool breezes and gentle, warm sun on my face, I smile and feel you and all you gave me.

Not enough

2009-11-27T11:52:00.003-05:00

Emmy Lou Harris wrote this song, Not Enough, after the loss of her dog Bonaparte. "When you love someone, life's not long enough."

I miss you Reason.

2009-11-24T07:23:00.007-05:00

Three years ago today to the hour, Reason and I said goodbye. Her last two weeks were very hard for both of us. Neither of us wanted her to go.

I read some lines a while back in The Art of Racing in the Rain. A few paragraphs have been all I can bring myself to read so far, but it lies by my bedside ready for me when I am ready. The novel is written from the dog's point of view. Enzo was his name, and Denny was his human. Denny cared for Enzo as he became too old to care for himself. Denny gave Enzo permission to leave when he could see it was his time.

Enzo was thinking, "My life seems like it has been so long and so short at the same time. People ask of a will to live. They rarely speak of a will to die. Because people of afraid of death. Death is dark and unknown and frightening. But not for me. It is not the end."

My Dog Joy Reason

2009-11-14T09:38:00.005-05:00

Check out my own personalized cover of the book Dog Joy!! That's Reason on the cover. (She is also on page 172.) You can upload a photo of your dog to a personalized cover as well. I have to say, little Rea looks at least as good as the real cover dog. =o) You can find the book at any book store. If you'd like to upload your own cover, visit The Bark. Nope, I don't receive any royalties. I just know how much we love our dogs and for all the ways we look to hold special memories in our hearts forever. I know I'm not the only one.

Happy Birthday Reason!

2009-03-20T19:38:00.000-04:00

Gone

2008-12-09T20:52:00.000-05:00

I have a very calm awareness today of Reason's absence from my life, a sweet sadness. Almost as if it's taken me this full two years to let my breath out. I'd been holding my breath since that last two weeks, since those last few minutes, perhaps even since I first learned of her lymphoma diagnosis, and I guess if I'm honest, even back to that first day, when she was riding home with me to be mine. I remember the moment when it dawned on me, that one day she would be gone.

Last night, I looked at Meister cat sitting on my bed, and it felt so odd for him to be here without Reason. She helped me take care of Meister and Mitzi. Reason helped me with everything. There Meister sat, and Reason gone so long. The same home, the same job, the same me, but no Reason. Life is a little different. There are two wonderful dogs, Jules and Luna. But even that isn't so different because Reason and I always rescued dogs. She so often endured nipping at her heels by strange new dogs waiting with us for their new forever homes. It wasn't until she was older that I decided to take a break from rescue, so that her senior years were a bit less stressful.

Everything was me and Reason. I cherished our moments. I cherished her affect on my life. She was my anchor, my focus, my balance, my comrade.

On our last visit to the Rose Garden, her sweetness was so evident. She ran up through the mud with her little waggling tail to say hello to the girl sitting in the pavilion reading. I hold onto that moment because for that moment Reason was there. Her little soul was alive. She wasn't sick. She wasn't dying. It gives me such relief to remember she had such last moments of her own happiness. Just like when we walked around Cameron Village on that last Sunday. Her tail wagged as she watched and greeted people. The very day we went to the vet for the last time I carried her in, and a male staff genuinely greeted her and rubbed her little head, and she perked up. She was happy to greet him.

Then once I layed her down on the table, she was ready to rest. Like she grabbed the very last sweetness she could out of life. Not only did Reason teach me about loving, but she started my understanding of being.